Today’s verse from Jeremiah is a portion of Jeremiah 16:19.
“LORD, you give me strength and protect me. You are the one I can run to for safety when I am in trouble.”
I will try to hold on to that one today.
Yesterday was not too bad. This morning I woke up and talked to God. After my shower, I began reading and the crushing weight fell upon me.
Someone suggested I try to change up my routine in an attempt to divert my mind. And there are ways I could do this but there are also many days that going through the routine is what helps me get through the day. I remember speaking about this before many years ago. I developed the habit of reading God’s Word every day. I had been reading daily between 2.5 and 3 years when I had a “severe” attack. I remember the day well. I cried because I could not even open my Bible. It was not until late morning (around 11am) that I was strong enough to read that day.
The compulsion to read His Word is so strong that I must do it. And the days after that, I was thankful for His grace, His faithfulness that allowed me to listen to Him (as best I could). If I had not had that anchor, then I believe that I may have been lost. This is a change I cannot make. Oddly I had someone suggest I stop reading the Bible for a few days, maybe two years ago they suggested this.
I have tried to think about the days I get out of bed merely from habit. And the other days that I plead with God to get me out of bed. How can I be happy when I feel incomplete?
Last week, driving back from Woodville, one of the conversations I had with God was asking why He would want me this way. I do not know that I would look at me and say “hey, I want to be like that guy”. Of course, now that I think about it, even happy why would anyone want to be like me? (Just a bit of self-loathing this morning.)
Yesterday, I nearly cried in the pew as I told God I did not want to go through life alone. Just call on the name of the Lord, the preacher said. Just call on His name. Romans 10. Reading from Romans should have made me happy. I should probably go to work and read that book. I had enough strength to read just the one chapter of Jeremiah so far today. I’ll get my Psalm in and then pray for more strength. Maybe the Psalm is a prayer for strength.
I downloaded a free book called “Don’t Follow Your Heart” that I will also attempt to begin that.
This new week has started a bit rough but it is the LORD’s day. He will be glorified. Amen.