I have never felt at home in church. I was told that I should just ask God. So here we go…
Lord, where is home? Can I go now? There are others that will do the work here on Earth. I know you want to use me but I am just not there.
Oh, wait wrong questions…
Lord, where is home? Will I ever have a home here on Earth?
Probably not the right questions either.
So what is the right question? What makes a church a home? Last weekend one of the conversations I had, discussed the purpose of church. Hmmm, well it might not have been last weekend but it was recent. Is it a place to fill up with lost people that “Christians” and Christians are afraid to talk to in hopes that they get saved? Is it a place for the elect to glorify and worship God? It is a place to be condemned? If those questions were not complicated enough in my head – which one has authority?
I have not been to church consistently in months. I am losing the battle. I cannot tell you how dead this makes me feel. I use alternative methods to lift my spirits on Sunday during that time. If only it were spirits lifting my spirits? Not really – it would only bring me down. The fight is gone and there is no desperation in this battle. I do not really care. “Just keepin it real.” *sigh*
Sometimes I just distract myself instead of exalting Him. I am good at distraction. I suppose I should read more to find the answer.
I finally got some reading in the last few days. I need to read a different book, my book on authority. Instead I have been reading the “4 Seasons of Marriage” by Gary Chapman. He also wrote the “5 Love Languages”. I’m almost done with it. I think it will help me in many ways.
What church was the Apostle Paul a member of? Probably the church at Antioch. Man, I was hoping he was a church hopper. Then I could be one of those.
Looking for the surgeon that will take my heart of stone today and replace it with flesh.