Where Is Home

I have never felt at home in church.  I was told that I should just ask God.  So here we go…

Lord, where is home?  Can I go now?  There are others that will do the work here on Earth.  I know you want to use me but I am just not there.

Oh, wait wrong questions…

Lord, where is home?  Will I ever have a home here on Earth?

Probably not the right questions either.

So what is the right question?  What makes a church a home?  Last weekend one of the conversations I had, discussed the purpose of church.  Hmmm, well it might not have been last weekend but it was recent.  Is it a place to fill up with lost people that “Christians” and Christians are afraid to talk to in hopes that they get saved?  Is it a place for the elect to glorify and worship God?  It is a place to be condemned?  If those questions were not complicated enough in my head – which one has authority?

I have not been to church consistently in months.  I am losing the battle.  I cannot tell you how dead this makes me feel.  I use alternative methods to lift my spirits on Sunday during that time.  If only it were spirits lifting my spirits?  Not really – it would only bring me down.  The fight is gone and there is no desperation in this battle.  I do not really care.  “Just keepin it real.”  *sigh*

Sometimes I just distract myself instead of exalting Him.  I am good at distraction.  I suppose I should read more to find the answer.

I finally got some reading in the last few days.  I need to read a different book, my book on authority.  Instead I have been reading the “4 Seasons of Marriage” by Gary Chapman.  He also wrote the “5 Love Languages”.  I’m almost done with it.  I think it will help me in many ways.

What church was the Apostle Paul a member of?  Probably the church at Antioch.  Man, I was hoping he was a church hopper.  Then I could be one of those.

Looking for the surgeon that will take my heart of stone today and replace it with flesh.