I have been reading The Four Loves and I realized that I did not know what Friendship is, that is, if the definition in this book is what Friendship actually is. It made me think two things as I read through the chapter on Friendship. The first thought I had was – I have never really had a friend. And the second thought was – God didn’t make me so that I could ever really have friends.
Yes, I know this is offensive to my friends. Those thoughts are part of the battle I fight against loneliness and not really an indication of reality.
So what if my definition of love is wrong? Of Friendship? Of Eros? I have my own idea of what these things are but maybe my definition is messed up. I have been working on the idea of love all year – it did seem God made this my year of love but I’m not sure what that actually meant when I started the year. Previously I knew what God was doing, at least generally, but this year I had no clue.
What if the love I have for people is Appreciative love and not Friendship love? Appreciative seems like a better form of love to have for people anyway. It seems deeper, less fickle. I really want to quote a huge section of the book to help clarify this thought but it is not practical given the size of the section.
I also was able to more fully define Eros or maybe more accurately to redefine it for me personally. I have always defined it as purely sexual which doesn’t seem to be the case. Sex could be a part of it but it isn’t necessary.
But in Eros, a Need, at its most intense, sees the object most intensely as a thing admirable in herself, important far beyond her relation to the lover’s need.
Seeing an object as a thing admirable in herself. That idea enthralled me. And it seems much more reasonable that sex is only a portion of Eros and not the whole of it. I could probably blame the over sexualized society on video games (can’t we blame video games for all the world’s problems?) and I’m sure they do play a small role but I am sure there is something deeper.
This sinful world, my sinful nature corrupts my very ability to understand this thing called love in its most pure form. What kind of love is this?