Since I read the article that talked about asking yourself how you can grow today, I have written down a few things in my junk notebook. I do not know what else to call it because it contains all kinds of random notes and ideas. It is not organized like the other notebooks.
So one morning I finished reading my Bible and was thinking upon what I would work on that day. Typically I had been writing things like “Today I will work on Jux depts.” or “Today I will challenge my mind with Greek” or “Today I will encourage someone different.” That morning I wrote “Today I will try to love someone.”
I was a bit taken aback by that. I thought to myself “try to, what is wrong with you”. Why did I write this?
There are many things I know mentally but basically refuse to accept. One thing I perceive myself doing is refusing to accept the love from people. When someone tells me the love me, they are my friend, they are glad to know me, well I just reject it. I make them a liar. I do not know why I refuse to accept it. I probably have not thought upon this enough. It is a very dark thought pattern to think about and I may be afraid of what I will find on that road.
Today I will try to love someone. Anyone…
If I have accepted the situation I am in in life – alone with God and God alone – then the next step is to learn to love myself in that situation so that I can love others. I should probably learn to love myself in all situations. I think I love others but I have been told that I cannot love them if I do not love myself. Is this really true?
Does a lack of love mean a lack of glorifying God? That is an even tougher question. If my falsehood enhances God’s truthfulness and so increases His glory, then why am I still condemned as a sinner? Why not say as some slanderously claim that we say, let us do evil that good may result? But can we rest in such an idea? Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
What shall we do today?