The Lonely Man

As a child, I did not like reading.  I hated it with a passion.  I remember maybe second grade creating a book report that looked like a hamburger.  I had to write some things on the buns, on the meat, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and whatever else was on this paper hamburger.  I remember I had to stay up late because I had not done it.  I was not very happy.

Then one year in school I was told to read “To Kill A Mockingbird”.  Is that a fourth grade book?  I’m not sure but what I do know is that book changed me.  Until a few years back I had no idea why that book had such an impact on me.  Now I know that Atticus Finch is an introvert.  I believe I related to him subconsciously.  I did not feel alone in the world.  After To Kill A Mockingbird, I became a reader.  I am sure a driving push was to not feel alone.  This hypothesis is based upon the best information I have available to me right now.  Attempting to recall so many memories from such a time frame is difficult.

Fast forward to present day and I realized that I read the book of Jeremiah because I perceive him as a lonely man and relate to him.  I would much rather relate to the Apostle Paul but God gave me Jeremiah (at least during the current season of my life).

I wonder if Jeremiah had the same pride issues I have.  The idea that we can be nothing and proclaim God’s glory to all the nations seems antithetical.  For God’s glory to be proclaimed to a greater audience, I must have a larger influence right?  I know from things I have read that many of the “great” evangelists and preachers were saved by people of “little” significance.  Yet without God using the “little” person the “great” person would not have been “great”.  So in reality we are all the same – neither great or little – but used by God to proclaim His glory in the way He designed us.

What is Apollos, really? Or what is Paul? Servants through whom you came to believe, and each of us in the ministry the Lord gave us. I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused it to grow. So neither the one who plants counts for anything, nor the one who waters, but God who causes the growth.  –1 Corinthians 3:5-7

How difficult is it to not be envious (maybe even jealous) of people being used by God in what we perceive to be mighty ways?  I know I am always pushing for more.  I pray that my desire for more is really pointed to God, to bring Him fame, honor, and praise, and not directed at myself.