I woke up this morning. 2:32am. No alarm. I got up quickly with a smile. This was quite different than the 2:20 and 2:07 the previous two nights. There was no smile those days. I had to go back to bed because it hit me so I prayed in bed and then got up around 3:15. You always get a lot done getting up so early. You would think getting up with a smile would mean no depression but I can feel it there in my chest. Not as intensely of course.
Last night around 8:30, I was waiting on my daughter at dance and it was like God touched me. All I could think was “God is amazing.” Or maybe it was awesome. Does not matter because He filled my depressed soul with His joy. I called my brother John just to let him know God was amazing. The rest of the night was just as amazing. This is my God. The God who created heaven and earth. The God who gives and takes away. The God who can fill you with joy no matter the circumstance.
I wish I could express it better with words. Maybe I can…grace…