I struggle with pride as you all know. Thursday I sat down with the kids and talked. I shared so much with them, specifically about how these thoughts were not godly. I just do not know what to do with them. Kristen piped up and said pray. I nodded in half hearted agreement while continuing to rant. Friday morning I get up and ask God “What am I doing?” before I sat down with His Word. Jeremiah 33:3 was the first verse that hit me – ‘Call on me in prayer and I will answer you. I will show you great and mysterious things which you still do not know about.’ Call on me in prayer and I will answer you. Many thoughts went through my head – not all of them in line with a mind conformed to a godly way of thinking. Then I moved to the Psalms. The first words I read in Psalm 25:1 – O LORD, I come before you in prayer.
I am not sure God could have given me clearer signs but I was rebellious, prideful. I finally closed my eyes and all I could say was “Lord, heal your people, heal me.” over and over.