I told the kids a few months back that once they left I would only need one spoon, one fork, and one knife. Kristen said it was sad to think that way. Sad but true. She agreed.
I imagine you have never imagined loneliness this way.
Or maybe you have. I decided to wash the dishes I use by hand when the kids are not here. There is currently one coffee cup, one bowl, and one spoon. There may be a plate in the future but not today.
Soon I think I will lose what little I had left. God has a way about Him that I cannot understand. I could probably go without the fork if I had to. But what if I do not want to. You say it does not matter. If God doesn’t want me to have a fork then I will not have one. I thought He might as well take the spoon and knife too.
There really is no need for any of it I suppose. No reason at all. I should be thankful that I have a fork at all, I suppose. Yet, the mind does not go this way. What does that even mean?
I got back from Africa. I took some steps. I tried to open the Bible. It was difficult. I guess that is the right word. I do not believe His promise and yet I know He is faithful. How can the mind work this way?
I just want to go home Lord. Please take me home.