One After Another

The thoughts are relentless.  It is like a game where you never get a turn.  The other player just keeps rolling the dice and moving forward while you are stuck where you are.  You try to steal the dice or do whatever it takes to regain some sort of control but it feels helpless.  Compulsion is what these thoughts bring.  You begin to justify the thoughts.  You fight off some of the justification but even that slowly begins to fade.  You know you have not yet resisted to the point of bloodshed.  You wonder if today you will be defeated.  This morning you nearly were but God rescued you but it only lasts so long before the thoughts return.  One after another.  Filling you with more loneliness than you think you can bear.  They are so consuming that I am having difficulty with words.  It shows you that it is more than you can handle and you must turn it over to God.

Last night you prayed for others.  Brothers, Sisters, Brother-In-Laws, Sister-In-Laws, Son-In-Laws.  Maybe God will save you if you divert the thoughts away from yourself.  Must we keep the charade going?  The show must go on but nothing real is behind the curtain.