Mind Problem, No My Problem

Over the years I have had two things happen that really foster my feelings of isolation.  The first thing is when people invite me to dinner and then they never follow up.  And when I follow up they are oddly busy every single day until my funeral.  I only exaggerate a little.  There are at least four examples in my head immediately.  If I contemplated it a bit more I imagine I could come up with many more.

The second thing is when I make the effort to invite people out myself.  Typically people will say “yes” but then when you try to nail them down on a date they too are busy every single day until my funeral.

Now there are people who invite me out and it may take time but we typically hook up for lunch or dinner.  I understand that things come up that prevent you from keeping an appointment.  I understand because this happens to me but I do not understand just telling someone that you are interested in dinner when you have no intentions on following through.  Yes, I realize that people don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings but there is a way to do this in a less hurtful way.  Maybe?

As someone who suffers from loneliness and depression, these things are some of the first things that come into my mind when I start to crash.  No one wants to spend time with you.  Remember A, B, C, D, E….Z?  None of them wanted to spend time with you and don’t forget all these other people while I’m bringing you down.  The mind can be a terrible thing.

People may ask why I don’t recall all the people that do put forth effort to spend time with me.  It is not easy to change your mind set once you begin to crash the only thoughts that occur are negative and they build on each other.  I have trouble thinking any positive thought during this time.

Well I am going to end this.  It isn’t really complete but the thought pattern is paused in my mind.  I’ll have to write a second post when the mind allows it to play again.