In God I Trust

Yesterday turned out to be a very mild day.  On the drive to lunch, I repeated to myself something like “I have God and He is enough.” over and over.  It felt reassuring.

Rejection and loneliness are bitter enemies of mine.  As I was stopped unexpectedly last night for a conversation, I was asked if I had community and I said I was all alone.  There was no hesitation.  This is the pattern in my mind.  I reflected on this at some point later – maybe in my dreams.  I have God so I am not alone and there are people but for some reason I struggle to hold on to them.

Escaping this mind set is difficult.

I picked up my daughter later and we discussed the conversation I had had.  She told me community might drop my depression level .25 or .5 points.  She also told me to hold on to this – she understood the person to have followed through when it was just an alignment from God.  But she is also correct that I need to hold on to this.

As we arrived home, I was explaining how a 4-5 on my depression scale was happy when compared to an 8-9.  A drop like this will even make you question if you are still sad.  I think I even remember zero days but when your mind is cloudy it is difficult to say for certain.

We talked about the divorce too.  I do not recall how that part of the conversation came about.  She didn’t really know the reason we got divorced.  I had not intended to talk about that but it was out and it is best to be honest.  It was a good evening.

I got pulled over by a cop last night.  I was curious what I had done.  I drive slow.  I used my blinker.  Turns out one small headlight was out.  It was difficult to tell because there is another LED light around that headlight.  He gave me a warning and I’ll get the bulb today.  I was thankful not to get a ticket.  I have never got a ticket.

Today…here we go…