I have struggled to read my Bible for a few weeks. I have been bouncing all over. Yesterday was Philippians 1 and part of chapter 2. This morning I went to continue Philippians 2 and could not. Because of my sin, I knew I needed to be in 1 Corinthians.
I started in the beginning. I just highlighted things in the first few verses. The first thing I noticed was “their Lord and ours”. Obviously I have read this many times but I could not remember having seen those words before. I am not even sure why they were brought to my attention at this point. [I’m writing this just a few moments after reading the first few verses.]
The next thing that hit me was “He will also strengthen”. I wondered why He has not strengthened me. My journal from earlier in the morning says “That’s how I am supposed to go to You. Broken. Here I am Lord! Broken!”
Just a few words later it says “God is faithful”. I found that interesting as well. Yesterday I stated that I did not believe His promise and yet I knew He was faithful. And here God is telling me that He is faithful. I could scream “Help my unbelief!” if I thought it would help.
Someone I know is dealing with a serious issue in their life. This has lead them to drinking. I found out yesterday but there is not much I could do to stop their drinking. This morning I was thinking about them and realized that I too had abandoned God for my own devices. I was slightly disappointed in them when I found out but I was even more disappointed in myself for not seeing clearly my own sin, the log in my own eye. Now I wonder how I can use this to help us both escape and run towards God.
The pain has been intense. Yesterday part of my reading was being concerned about the interest of others. How do you do that when we are selfish creatures? I do not want to be concerned with others. I want someone to be concerned with me! Feel this pain of mine. Be in pain with me.
Job 2:13 – Then they sat down with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights, yet no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great.
They saw his pain was very great. I sit here and think about that. I am blind to those who are sitting on the ground with me. How great is the blindness. I must remember. I must pray to have eyes that can see those sitting with me.
I know there is much more to be said. Much more to be discovered but I want to stop there for now.