Gall of Bitterness

The gall of bitterness.  It runs deep.  It consumes.  Freedom can occur but slavery soon returns.  I wish I could pronounce its demise but alas that cannot be.

Last night I told someone how deeply they were loved.  They said I was too but I just could not see it.  I told them even if I was I reject it.  I do not know how I could be loved by anyone but God.  Who is man that I should trust in him?  I know man and I cannot put trust in him.  Bitterness mixed with knowledge and truth are dangerous.

I scoff at the idea that a person could love me.  Do not think a state of mind could alter this.  I tolerate the idea when in the best of moods but accept it gladly in the depths of despair.  Let us just ignore facts.  Let us ignore reality.  My heart “knows” the emptiness.  My soul knows the void.

I have been reminded of late of Shakespeare.

by sleep to say we end the heartache and thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to

It continues on of course.  Lovely words.

I read words for so many people.  I see you here.  I see them there.  But where are the words for me?  He brought THEM out of darkness but He seems to have left me in it.  Yes, there is a reason He left me there.  To be His light in that darkness.  What a battle.  Ahh, tell me again why He gives some strength that others do not have?  To each was given grace.  Grace, I tell you, grace.

The one thing, the only thing, grace.  All else flows from that.  It is much more than the common grace but a saving grace.