A few weeks back I woke up (Praise The Lord!). I would not have used the word hopeless but that was the feeling I had as I got up to run/walk. I almost did not go but I pushed through the hopelessness and got out the door. I kept thinking how nice it would be to turn around and just go back and lay in bed. There is no point in this so give up. I know this sounds like it had to do with the actual exercise but it was much deeper than that. The hopelessness was with life itself.
So after my run, I sat down with my coffee and the Bible. Opened to Psalms and then Jeremiah.
‘You have said, “I feel so hopeless! For the LORD has added sorrow to my suffering. I am worn out from groaning. I can’t find any rest.” ’ –Jeremiah 45:3
That verse was for me. The section in my Bible was titled “Baruch is Rebuked but also Comforted”. I felt no rebuke and no comfort. Only hopelessness. Worn out from groaning. No rest to be found.
The night before Jacob had acknowledged me in passing and I responded but did not go talk to him. I made excuses. It was late. I was tired. I just did not want to deal with it. I knew I had made a mistake as soon as I no longer saw him walking down the street. Then later that night Miranda called wanting yet again to get her life in order. I could tell she was not serious. She believes it at the time but there is no brokenness. She is beyond my help but thankfully not beyond the help Jesus can give. I promised to pick her up the next morning at 7:30 so she could look for a job. Unfortunately she could not be awoken from her slumber.
It is exhausting and hard not to lose hope in ourselves and others but we push forward. Pray a little bit more, love a little bit more.