Every Thought

So often it feels like every thought in my mind is fighting against me.  Every one of them.

Take every thought captive, it says.  Make it obey Christ, it says.

I wake up with the thoughts swirling in my mind.  One after another.  Last night on my knees in prayer.  Expectant prayer.  Knowing I cannot do anything without Him.  My identity is in Him and still I fight.  This morning I wrote words about running away.  Where could I run from myself?  From my own mind?  Distractions during the day help but not enough.  Always in prayer.  Till the night comes and I ask for just enough peace to rest my weary mind.  Trusting in Him yet again for whatever I receive.

Waking up for no reason and again surrendering the thoughts to Him.  How often I surrender this way is upon Him.

I know when this battle really began, when He saved me.  It was slow at first but has grown over the years.  I have thought my mind was decently organized, not of my own doing but by His grace alone.  Yet it is far from where it needs to be.  Every thought captive.  At some point in the past (I’ll share my time thought pattern later if time permits), I realized that I could give up these thoughts to Him.  “Lord, this thought is not fitting a man of God, I cannot escape it, You must take it.”  Pride is the biggest one but desires of the heart is there too.  Along with many others.  I could be on my knees all day surrendering thoughts to Him.  And still they come.  Relentlessly.

Today, once again.  Here we go…

Time thought pattern – I was white boarding recently and I realized that when I store memories, I store them without reference to time (for the most part).  It is very interesting as I look upon the memories in this way.  So much in the past was as if it occurred only moments ago.  I attempt not to store great detail but that is not easy.  Data input is significant and the mind takes in much more than we could ever realize.  Yes, there is more but I do not want to write much longer.

We seek small victories today.  Victories in the Lord.  In Him Alone.  Knowing that He takes every thought captive for us.  He helps us each step of the way to manage all that we are so that we can serve Him with every fiber of our being.