Finished a book called “Clearing Obstacles to Work”.
I was fine when I finished it but reflection reminds me of such emptiness, loneliness.
This morning at church a man spoke to me. I enjoyed listening to him. He shared how God was working and has worked in his life. One thing that God has been impressing on his heart lately, is that he should not to be anxious about how he will be used by Him in the future. But rather he should be there in the present to serve God where he is. It was interesting because I know this to be true for me. God was basically talking to me through him. Don’t be anxious about the future.
This was the second time this week someone has spoken to me directly about this idea. The other person asked me something along the lines of “Don’t you think God is using you where you are?”. And if we really want to get down to it, I imagine there are probably many others who have spoken this same word over me. These just happen to be the most recent.
Yet here I sit. Here I write. And here the weight is beginning to crush me.
So you know this man continued to speak to me. And shared a verse in Hebrews. He actually read a bit more than just one verse but 10:19 begins “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, sure and steadfast”. Our hope in Christ is our anchor. This verse really touched him. Yes, it touched me too.
Then God hit me with the word – depression – through this man. I wish I was making this up. The man shared about his depression. He told me that he had been addicted to drugs and when God saved him, God freed him from this. But he said, it was nothing compared to the freedom he felt when God freed him from depression. I said something along the lines of “I would love to be free”.
Oh yes, another thing he told me was not to just ask God for something but expect God to deliver. Expect Him to be faithful because He is faithful. Seriously!
I imagine that as I recall the rest of this conversation I will see even more of God. And yet I feel dead inside. Even with such direct evidence as this, I am crushed. Do you think I do not know? How more clear could God be? How?
Expect God to deliver.
You do not want to know how many mornings I expect God to get me out of bed. And when that victory has been achieved by Him, well then I just need Him to get me through every breath for the rest of the day. No problem for a God as big as mine, I know.
And I expect God to use me. I can think of two very specific instances He used me this week. One of them said “You are my sunshine today” after a sent her a text. I thought if only she knew how dark life was for me. And it was very dark at that moment and God still used me. The other was close to the same. Different lady, different medium, similar result.
You know how close things are. You can see them and almost grasp them. Knowing that person is right there.
There is more as there always is but I stop here for today.