Yesterday someone asked how they could pray for me. I told them rest or sleep for my mind and body. They told me they would pray and that I would sleep well. I slept better than I had the past few nights but not as I needed to. I can say that my mind is clearer just not the level I would prefer.
Upon waking up, I started talking to God. I have one simple love – Him. And a desire of my heart is to love Him with someone who loves Him the same. It seems rare to find that person who even understands what that means. I see the look in most people’s eyes when I speak upon these things – no comprehension. I do not imagine a fairy tale life but I do imagine a God glorifying life. I believe I should settle for nothing less than a God glorifying relationship. This may mean aloneness during this corporeal life. God’s will be done. And God be glorified regardless of my status.
Some people used to (maybe still do?) talk about only getting so many “likes” on things they post. What if instead of not having enough likes, you have too many? For example, one too many.
Yesterday wasn’t too bad. I had five kids and quite a bit of fun. I got an automated email that really knocked me down but I pretended everything was OK while I took five kids to DQ for Blizzards. A good thing about five kids, you have to devote a significant amount of attention to them which does help with pretending.
I recovered quickly from this like we all recover from our problems. Then I was hit with one too many likes on Facebook. It wasn’t even anything I posted mind you. The tailspin this created. *sigh* The mind recovered eventually only to be faced with this new day of love. A worldly love that I find more and more difficult to grasp (maybe even on purpose).
So this morning, I read Jeremiah 15.
As your words came to me I drank them in, and they filled my heart with joy and happiness because I belong to you. –Jeremiah 15:16
I skipped ahead a few days ago and read some verses from this chapter. This being one of them. I found that this idea is very true in my life. God’s word fills my heart most (all?) days. But service to the Lord does not currently do this. My service to the Lord feels dead and my heart is the problem. Then again this morning…
Because of this, the LORD said, “You must repent of such words and thoughts! If you do, I will restore you to the privilege of serving me. If you say what is worthwhile instead of what is worthless, I will again allow you to be my spokesman. They must become as you have been. You must not become like them.” –Jeremiah 15:19
You must repent. My heart does not want to say what is worthwhile. Maybe my heart doesn’t even know if there is anything worthwhile – futile, futile says the teacher. Maybe my heart would rather be dark and black.
This morning I will attend church service. Blaine’s boy scout troop is doing something at the church. This will be the first service I have attended in several weeks, maybe two months or more. I do not want to check my calendar to give you (or me) and exact amount of time. I know, repent. No home to call my own. The self-fulfilling prophecy.
I need to read and try to pray my Psalm this morning.