I rediscovered a song this past week. “By Starlight” – Smashing Pumpkins
Her eyes were as vacant as the seas
I listened to it on repeat for long periods of time. When I stopped listening the pain would be worse. When I started again it would be worse. I could not resist that idea. I like to feel the words in the depths of my soul. I want to feel the pain so I know I am alive. I told you I was sick.
Data for projections increased. It reduced the fear I had for a point in the future and created an entirely new sadness based upon rejection that has not even occurred. Quite a ridiculous path the mind takes to achieve rejection. The heart is never really protected. I must say that the data did me good. I created my own new data as well. This was good.
Oh, come now sir. You must realize that this is not the reality you are looking for. Of course, why thank you kind sir. Where is this reality?
And all along, we knew we’d carry on, just to belong…
My life has been empty, my life has been untrue…
Madness is all around and we carry on just to belong. No difference. Am I too close to see it? How could I ever know if I was?
From childhood’s hour I have not been as others were, I have not seen as others saw, I could not bring my passions from a common spring…
–Edgar Allan Poe
Such a beautiful day in the mind. Think upon Psalm 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God. Let’s give it some time.