I have not posted anything in quite some time. I continue to write of course. My journal is full. The past two notebooks were filled in record time. I have even composed a few things on here but not hit the publish button. They do not seem “right” which is probably “wrong” but one never really knows.
Today I read a few years of journals. So far 2011, 2012, and about 1/2 of 2013. When God saved me, I saw that my immediate and continued desire in my journal (even now) was for His glory. For this I am thankful because that should be our goal as Christians – bring glory to God in the highest. I watched as God taught me how to be thankful for everything in 2012. God has even kept me thankful, constantly.
That same year God taught me about grace. His grace brings Him more glory than I could have ever imagined. His grace is amazing. He began laying the ground work for me to learn faithfulness, love, authority, and prayer. His faithfulness is beyond understanding, especially when I am not, but that is grace. His love abounds deeply, allowing us to love others in turn.
I realized that people came into my life. Causing joy. Causing pain. It was interesting that as I became close to someone the pain of loneliness increased. I never noticed that until today. I realized that my inability to show them, tell them I loved them was driving a deep depression in me. Being prone to depression did not help the situation. I would occasionally get relief but never for long. The love is like the love Jonathan has for David in 1 Samuel 18:1 – “Jonathan loved David as much as he did his own life.” or later in 1 Samuel 20:17 – “In fact Jonathan loved him as much as he did his own life.”
This is not a love that I would have understood prior to Christ. I watched this love begin and grow in my journal. I am quite curious to see it over the rest of 2013 and 2014. I fear that it may not be written there, at least not in anyway other than hints. I imagine I could find it else where. I just have to look.
This is all quite exciting to me. You see 2015 I was not sure what God has planned for me but I know that 2016 is the year God is going to grow my prayer life. He will no doubt do much more but in a few years I will be able to see how He was working in me. Since I’m talking about prayer it was very cool to see prayers from 2011 and 2012 that were answered this year. It is also amazing to see that other prayers are in the process of being answered.
So I suppose that the end of this post is near. I shall try to share more tomorrow. No promises.