Last night I was going to bed a bit early and started thinking. I had to jump up and get my journal to record my words. I’m not sure why I didn’t bring my journal to bed with me. I picked it up but then put it back down in my living room. Hmmm, weird.
Anyway, I realized how different I was from who I used to be. I know God saved me and my life had a drastic change. But this was more recent a recognition. Two days ago to yesterday. And I see it again today.
I heard a sermon recently and the pastor talked about how God was deconstructing him so that God could construct a more holy version of him. He talked about how painful deconstruction is. That statement is quite true. Deconstruction is painful. I imagine most (all?) Christians know this pain.
Yes, I know that the “new” you is a better you. One that seeks God’s glory more. One that seeks to be more holy. One that trusts God more fully. Sometimes I remember the old me. Sometimes I try to go back to the old me. But all the time God is moving me forward.
Tomorrow will be the last day of week three. Three solid weeks of good. Do not misunderstand that to mean there was no pain, sadness, repentance, or other negative things that occurred but as a whole God maintained a joy in me that I felt. The sadness has not overtaken me during this time.
Do not take that to mean that sadness will not return. That is dependent on God’s will.
What will the me of tomorrow look like? I guess I will just have to wait and see.