I typically get up and do the normal routine. Life is very ridged in some ways. I do not know anything else. My programming is set and difficult to break unless there is sin involved.
Just forget everything. Don’t pray for the brother who was in an accident and found out this week he will lose part of his leg. Don’t pray for his wife and kids either. Don’t pray for the 17 year old who found out she has a liver disease and needs a transplant. Don’t pray for the 13 year old who needs a new home outside of the system. Don’t worry that she lives in filth. Don’t pray that the family trying to get her out will succeed.
I wrote a lot of “I do not” things this morning. I do not want to change. I do not want to accept the fact that I am alone. I do not want to reorient my life. I could probably have added many more things. I just stared at that and asked myself what I needed to read. For comfort I usually go to Romans 9 but anything in Romans will usually help me. This morning it was chapters 5 and 6. I knew the verse I really wanted.
What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Absolutely not! –Romans 6:15
The last few weeks have been filled with a great mind battle. One night it was so bad I asked a few people to pray for me. I have no doubt that those prayers kept my mind from breaking – the grace of God through those prayers. But this morning my mind actually focused on the verse prior to 15.
For sin will have no mastery over you, because you are not under law but under grace. –Romans 6:14
Sin will have no mastery over you. None. The past few weeks sin has tried to have mastery over me. It has failed. Was it anything I did? No. Nothing but the grace of God. Does this mean I did not sin? No. I am a very sinful person but the grace of God covers it all. Every stain is washed away.
Today the battle begins again. Sin distracts the mind away from people and away from God. Sin is towards me, selfish. I do not want to cry with the people above and so many more. I want to forget. Will sin defeat me today? Tomorrow? And will it matter? Will the grace of God cover it too? Today the battle begins again.